Breaking news! Rubinho is blind!

by

“Barrichello: ‘I never saw a red light!'”

Rubens Barrichello has, apparently, lost his sight due to old age. He somehow missed a big red light at the end of the pitlane. And now he tries to blame it on the FIA.

This, therefore, leaves us with two options.

Either Rubens is colorblind and unable to see red lights…

He’s a robot, programmed to drive a car by Microsoft…

Or he can’t see altogether.

The second option, naturally, makes more sense. It could explain his lack of points from last season(Barrichello: 0 Button: 6). And of course, it could explain why Michael Schumacher was always quicker than him–it’s hard to memorize braking points when you can’t see them.

He could, of course, be a robot. His Windows Me software would explain why he seems to completely zone out and go nowhere around the halfway point of a race–he just locked up. It’d explain why he just keeps persisting forever…he’s convinced that he can still win races, in a Honda no less, and that he has some future in F1.

However, the theory of Barrichello being completely colorblind also explains it. It would explain why he doesn’t seem to completely hate the Honda livery this year.

Any of these theories explains the problem. However, none suggest a solution. May I offer one: There’s a decent driver out there, currently contracted to Ferrari but not racing, and his old mate Ross Brawn works for Honda. I don’t think I actually need to list his name here.

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2 Responses to “Breaking news! Rubinho is blind!”

  1. Miguel Says:

    Red means stop, yellow means slow down and green means go Rubens. Not the other way ’round.

  2. James Says:

    Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    So many things wrong with that entry. You make a point about the points, well in case you didn’t notice, last year Hondas car was crap. It wasn’t the case that Jenson was the “better driver” it was more the fact that the car had zero performance and he could never get to the points before the car blowing up/breaking down ect.

    And the ferrari thing. No he isn’t! Remember that mastiful display at Silverstone, 2002 was it? Absolutly dominated. Don’t find me catching you writing some rubbish that isn’t true again.

    Rubens is a bloody good driver. Espacially when he was at Ferrari, you had to feel for him. No driver should ever be ordered to lose the race so your team mate can win.

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